Which is worse? Not being in a relationship, or being in a relationship with someone who is completely vanilla? Is it worth the wait, dismissing the ‘normal’ while waiting for the Dominant who will send you to dizzying heights of passion?

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So tough isn’t it, if you start dating someone outside the D/s world? Maybe a friend convinces you to meet someone they think will be perfect for you, little knowing that perfect in your world, means they come complete with handcuffs and a paddle in their briefcase.

You acquiesce, more out of boredom than anything else, and as you sit across the table, chasing a piece of chicken around your plate, you find his quirky smile and broad shoulders appealing. You go on a second date, hoping and praying he’ll make some kind of subtle comment (you wanna come back to my house and get spanked, you bad girl?…would work just as well as subtle) which of course he doesn’t.

Finally at your door you wait for him to lock your hair around his fingers, gently tug back your head, and force you to stare back at him. Why? So he can tease and torment you with the promise in his glorious dark eyes, the promise you know he’ll keep! But, of course instead, you get a chaste, nervous peck on the check.

Sigh.

Do you end it then and there, citing whatever excuse comes to mind when he calls you? Or, like yours truly, a sweet, unsatisfied submissive, ever hopeful, do you go on a third date, believing that somewhere inside this character lurks the soul of a Dominant just bursting to be set free?

How long does it take to admit defeat? A few weeks, even months, after attempts at role play have been awkwardly dismissed, or worse, acted out with uncomfortable confusion by him, and utter frustration for you?

The genuine feelings are there. The companionship, the support, the sweetness are marvelous, but no chili peppers on the pizza. Just tomato sauce and cheese. Yawn! And when he’s gone, vanquished from your orbit like an asteroid hurled back into space, the void is palpable. You miss him. You need his happy chuckle, his common sense and solid sense of morals.

But you need the other. The spine tingling, totally engrossing, toe curling, other, and you need it more than you miss him. So you, like me, press on. Really annoying isn’t it, that once the D/s has you in its grip, it has you forever? The addiction is real. There are just no rehabs to address it.